I ain't lost, just wandering...

I’ve been walking in the same way as I did

Missing out the cracks in the pavement

And tutting my heel and strutting my feet

“Is there anything I can do for you dear? Is there anyone I can call?”

“No and thank you, please Madam. I ain’t lost, just wandering”

Round my hometown

Memories are fresh

Round my hometown

Ooh the people I’ve met
Are the wonders of my world

Are the wonders of my world

Are the wonders of this world

Are the wonders of my world

I like it in the city when the air is so thick and opaque

I love to see everybody in short skirts, shorts and shades

I like it in the city when two worlds collide

You get the people and the government

Everybody taking different sides

Shows that we ain’t gonna stand shit

Shows that we are united

Shows that we ain’t gonna take it

Shows that we ain’t gonna stand shit

Shows that we are united

Round my hometown

Memories are fresh

Round my hometown

Ooh the people I’ve met

Are the wonders of my world

Are the wonders of my world

Are the wonders of my world

Are the wonders of this word...

So, it was either Love Supreme (Robbie Williams rapping in a Stoke-on-Trent accent is just too funny)or this...Adele, Hometown Glory.
I know.I keep posting songs. What can I say - I am a musically inspired soul.

Yay that some people still actually read this blog - hiya - but I can honestly - and happily - say, I am writing mainly for myself these days.I also can safely keep a hand written diary since getting my own place so I'm writing less online.

I think of this song as I walk down the summer streets, gazing around me in a manner quite shameful for one who's lived here for (more or less) 8 years.

Even on Mill Road,not exactly the most picturesque part of town, I was so obviously lost in the daydream of sky and buildings that a bloke on a bike asked me- twice - if I was lost.

No and thankyou..I ain't lost, just wandering...

Strangly however...lost tourists still ask me for directions ALL the time.

I keep a little map in my bag for them.

I also love the High Contrast Dance remix - I should be going clubbing this Thursday and Saturday, it gets me well up for it! Woo hoo!

Thankyou

My tea's gone cold
I'm wondering why
I got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window
And I can't see at all
And even if I could it'd all be grey
But your picture on my wall
It reminds me that it's not so bad
It's not so bad

I drank too much last night
got bills to pay
My head just feels in pain
I missed the bus and there'll be hell today
I'm late for work again
And even if I'm there, they'll all imply
That I might not last the day
And then you call me and it's not so bad
It's not so bad

And I want to thank you...

Drag me from Hell

At last. At laaaast!

I have moved from my parents house - permanently this time I hope - to a place of my own in town.

I share a house with 5 other girls/women and it's great. Great to be out the oppressive atmosphhere of my parent's house. Great to hang out with friends and plan nights out without the gargantuan taxi fares to take into account. Great to be in the centre of town with access to the town centre, Mill Road, Parkers Piece, Jesus Green, and the understated nightlife round here.

I just realised I've never lived in a city before. Hmm.

I've always classed myself as a country girl. Anyone who spends their teenage years mainly in a remote village has this identity solidified.

While alot of other people my age were hanging out with illicit bottles of WKD and plaguing starbucks as flocks of coffee-high teenagers, I was climbing haybales barefoot with bottles of cider, being chased by farmers, swimming in the river and staring at the sky.

I never realised how boring a village is until I lived in this town. I did have one morning, half a day really, when I walked around going - argh, it never stops, there's people everywhere, people of all kinds,cars, music, buses and their mind warping exhaust fumes.

But now its strangely comforting, the city is alive, and surrounds me with humanity.

Interesting, comforting, dangerous humanity. I feel more alive.

After more than a couple of days in a village without coming to town, its easy for me to slip into a sort of contemplative spaced out state.This is characterised by me staring at clouds going "wow..hey look at that one" and wandering fields and graveyards feeling emo.

Not only this, but my parents constant contradictions between demanding I a) Act like an adult and sort out my life and b) Shut the hell up and do as I'm told,are just...hell. Thats no exaggeration.

It's good to have time to think, but there can be too much thinking in my opinion, when you should be getting on with the short messy business of living.

This messy life business, unfortunately, seems to require a lot of money. Note to self: must stop eating out all the time. Pasta is easy to make for a REASON.

As is freeze-dried coffee. *sob*

Also, must make more use off free cinema tickets and Ladies Nights at the clubs. Free entertainment generally.
I did go to see one movie for free, it was fun and just a little bit better for being so smugly free.

A blackly funny horror( rated 18)called "Drag Me to Hell", basically following a girl over 3 days after she is cursed, damned to hell by an old gypsy woman.

It made good use of ancient ingrained symbols of hell and curses - goat demons, gypsies etc.

It had a little too much of the disgusting for my liking, some of the scences ended up like a horror version of 2 Girls 1 Cup, only with an old lady as one of the "Girls".

The goat demon "Lamia" was scary as, it was mainly that and the gory bits that had me hiding my face.

Any horror that is purely sadism ( as are so many these says...sigh) really doesn't appeal to me, but add a little humour (i.e Zombies, lulz) and its my favourite thing to see!

I love watching those kind of things in cinemas, the whole place kept erupting in screams and shouts, usually followed by hysterical laughter, and people calling out jokes at which everyody laughed.

I clutched Nel's hand and arm from five minutes in and she was crushed by the time the movie finished lol.

I had to walk home by myself...up Tenison Road I kept half expecting the pavement to open into a hell-hole or something.I expected to be even more freaked out going to sleep that evening.But I think it would have been creepier in a silent village with just the stars and trees outside my window. A la my new city-girl acceptance, I left the window open to the hot night and fell asleep on top of my duvet, with the distant sounds off Mill Road and the city beyond.Drag Me to Hell? I've left mine.

Clowns

Yay! Someone let me loose with a camera again!

This is at the popular Clowns cafe/restaurant.
It's a place that manages to combine being trendy with good food and a variety of interesting customers.

This town has some interesting characters, but it's easy to miss them on the street.
Sometimes,it's better to do so.I recently got chased down the street by a man in a dustbin playing a guitar.
Such is life.

Anyway, I haven't been to Clowns before and I was suprised at how basic the food is. It's basically just good homey Italian food - pasta, lasagne, gnocchi.
Before I start sounding like a restaurant review, I guess I that just realised its absolute ages since I ate at a place so simple but independent and quality in the actual city. I know a couple of good village pubs.
I guess I usually go the easy route and grab something from a chain.


Its billed as a Mediterranean Cafe or something. How many Italian cafes have clowns everywhere though?

I know its a cliche but...those clowns are creepy. The big one in yellow watched me the whole time I was eating my gnocchi.

And these ^ creepy little fuckers cackled silently behind my ear as I stole half a rice pudding dessert. Their desserts are great, everyone says so, and I agree.

Later we went for a walk along and harrassed the people from the colleges practising their rowing. (mainly me - taking pictures)
Honestly, they are all buff, six feet tall and gorgeous. And that's just the women!

In some sort of returning river-karma a bunch of dudes getting trashed on a small river boat harrassed me back so we had to move on...

"Alright lads?"

...*JUMP*

Old Whatsisface

Thought I ran into you down on the street

then it turned out to only be a dream

I made a point to burn all of the photographs

She went away and then I took a different path

I remember the face,

but I can't recall the name

now I wonder how Whatsername has been

Seems that she disappeared without a trace

Did she ever marry old Whatshisface?

I made a point to burn all of the photographs

She went away and then I took a different path

I remember the face, but I can't recall the name

Now I wonder how Whatsername has been

Remember, whatever

It seems like forever ago

Remember, whatever,

It seems like forever ago

The regrets are useless in my mind

She's in my head- I must confess

The regrets are useless in my mind

She's in my head from so long ago

And in the darkest night

If my memory serves me right

I'll never turn back time

Forgetting you, but not the time

I'm loving Green Day again. Yes!They have a new album out, I heard one song and its crap.

Might hold my judgement on that though.

I loved American Idiot on first listen, thats hard to top.

Whatever people say about them going over to the dark side of Emo,selling out by becoming rock gods instead of punk rebels, whatever - they are still unique, and they rock.

I had some hours to kill in Cambs this afternoon and headed for one of my favourite hibernation/meeting spots.

Thank ye gods for Starbucks in Borders, which I have now come to treat like a library in which I can read many books, newspapers or magazines for the price of a Tall Soya Latte.

Tall is Small by the way. Grande is medium...? Um.

Its years since my first starbuck coffee and I still can't remember the feckin sizes.

I confessed this to one of the cheerful star-staff and he laughed and said that they understand Small ,Medium and Large anyway.

To be honest though, in other branches the staff will stare at you with a pissed yet superior expression if you say, " A chocolate brownie and er - a latte."

"What size?"

"Erm. About so high...?" *holds hand 10cms off the desk*"...small...?"

"Right! *significant cough*One TALL latte and brownie!"

At which point you usually become aware of customers queing behind either staring around in panic for the (suprisingly) non-existent conversion chart or muttering to each other to confirm the correct names for sizes.

On one happy occasion someone declared loudly, "Well, we're not in fucking Italy are we!"

I was feeling controversial today -rebel!omg!- so I grabbed "God is Not Great" by Christopher Hitchens and "Girls of Riyadh" by Rajaa Alsanea.

I didn't realise God is Not Great is by Christopher Hitchens, who I unfortunately mistook for his eejit brother, the Daily Mail (*pitchu!*) Guru Peter Hitchens, and as a consequence (resisting the urge to spill coffee over it) dumped it on the windowsill.

I got well absorbed in Girls of Riyadh, in fact I finished it.

There are no words to describe how alien that society is to me. At least no words in my regressed powers of literary description.

Its not exagerration to say that Saudia Arabia might as well be another planet.

Of course everyone is human, and some things are not alien at all though, some sadly yet hilariously familiar.

I read some bad reviews of the book by people who seem to feel Rajaa is not political enough.

Au contraire, mon frere. It certainly is political, but from a very human point of view.

It exposes things in a society that could have political impact.

Its views of someone who is like most people - flawed, and not very given to detailed political discussion.

I thinks its great book, written as a series of emails by a Saudi woman, which is an unusal format that could be simply crap but turns out to be genius, because it allows her to review the reaction she is getting from her audience, fictional though they may be.

It was interesting from a cultural point of view, of course.

But for me,as a part-time, amateur, apathetic anthropologist, it was mostly interesting from a human point of view, and provoked some philosophical thoughts.

How crazy is the human race? People create a situation and then can't get out of it.

Most people just want to get on with life and be left alone, even in such a crazy crazy crazy situation.

People don't survive there because its works and it's a good normal situation, but because human beings are so adaptable.

I have come to the conclusion that living in a constant state of misery and unhappiness is not simply possible.

Either you make the abnormal normal, at least sometimes, or you die.

Life is an interesting journey, wherever you are. Philosophical musings, to be contd....

Taxi!

Blessing or a curse?

It seems to me that often when I am doing something mundane but essential, something unexpected, upsetting or exciting will happen and make it more dramatic.
It can be a pain, but it certainly makes my life more exciting.

Today I had to go meet a man about a dog in the Mill Road area of Cambridge.
I called a taxi 2 hours early to arrive half an hour before, which arrived 10 minutes late leaving us 20 minutes to get there.

I run up, jump in and we speed off, while Taxi Driver conferrs a detailed apology for his lateness to me, in a heavy Italian accent.

He assures me we'd make it in time,"Don't worry darling"

I'm not your darling. "Hmm."

At the junction next to the Catholic Church, we hit the terrible, typical Cambridge heavy traffic. Its got to be one of the most congested cities in England.

Taxi Driver brakes hard as a sleek black 4x4 pulls out in front of us.

"HEY!" he shouts. I jump.

"Did you see that? Just pulled out in front of us!"

"yeah.." I say.

"Bastard! Whaddya think he's doing!?!"

"Well, you know..." I say, smiling " These, 4x4's, they can get away with it."

"Well he's not gonna get away with it if he crashes into me!"

We were just behind the black car when it stopped in front of a clear junction, just as the lights turn orange.

There is a deafening "BEEEEEEEEP!BEEEEEEEP!" as Taxi Driver falls onto his horn,shouting,"Whaddya think you doing? It's clear! Go! GO!"

As people all around turn to stare, I lauhg in disbelief and slide down in my seat, covering my face with one hand.

The 4X4 - which appears to have some kind of foreign number plate- inches forward, but just then the cars in the crossing roads starts flowing across.

"Now its busy!!!WHATTA FUCK YOU DOING YOU FUCKING GIT"

I quickly sit up and gape in astonishment as he flings open his door and leaps out into the road, shouting,cursing and actually shaking his fist.

I lean out the window- "Hang on a second-!"

He jumps back in and starts to reverse, ranting over his shoulder to me, "Did you see tha -?" The car jolts and CrrrunnchscrrapeBUMP!

"What the fuck?" He has reversed into a blue car that was trying to cut into the lane behind us.

Door opens again, and Taxi Driver climbs out and starts berating the tall and definitely miffed looking man who climbs out and starts examining the scrapes along the front of his car.

Taxi Driver reaches a pitch of insulting and shouting in rapidly deteriorating English.

Bear in mind, this is all taking place in the middle of a busy junction.

I sit on the back seat,laughing disbelievingly as people file right past on the pavement, staring, as bikes and cars zoom around us.

"We need to exchange details," says Tall Dude.

Taxi Driver insults him some more then agrees, telling him to follow him to a side street, but I'm not sure Tall Dude understands him at this point, he's simply staring in a bemused disbelief.

"And ya better hurry, cos we got a lady inna hurry here!" Taxi Driver says, pointing at me.

Tall Dude turns to stare at me, and I stop laughing and raise my hands and eyebrows simultaneously. Don't bring me into this.

Down a side road, we wait for Tall Dude to follow us but he doesn't show.

Then I spot him cruising slowly past on the main road and we both hop out and wave wildly, but he appears not to see us

The rest of the trip consists of Taxi Driver repeating what happened in such a way to make himself sound blameless.

This sounds an awful lot like 'getting our story straight' to me.

I refuse to be drawn in.

I just tell him I'd be prepared to say that he did try to exchange details but Tall Dude missed us/didn't show.

He takes my name and number and says he may need me as a witness. Then, still ranting to himself, he drives off.

I tell H about the crazy taxi driver who leapt out and started shouting at a 4x4 in the middle of a junction then reverse crashed into a blue Polo, and he puts on a protective and - for some reason -slightly shifty expression. I find out why when his first question is, "Wow, that must have been horrific for you. Was he English?"

Thats your first thought?Really?

My expression might have put him off because he starts talking about the kitchen.

Later on, I was walking back up Mill Road towards town, and a sleek black 4x4 with and Arabic number plate pulls up onto the pavement in front of me. I read the plate and raise my eyebrows - KSA, Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. You're a long way from home.

The occupants, four young men, turn and stare at me.

Wondering if its the same black 4x4 from Road Rage Incident, I smile questioningly at them. The stares turn to leers, so I squeeze past hurridley.

I cross the bridge , which is painted with flags of Jamaica, Korea, South Africa, etc. and the words "Diversity in Our Communty," ho ho. Just down the road is a sign encouraging people to report their neighbours rubbish if it looks suspicious - Terrorists, don't you know.

I'm proud to say someone has stuck a sticker over the badge reading, "British Transport Police" so it now reads "Bollocks Transport Police".

Anyway,just past Al-Amin post office/shop, the same car pulls up a little way in front of me on the pavement.

I slow, uncertainly.The door opens and a leg pops out.

I jump behind a bus and across the road.

A gaggle of women in hijab do exactly the opposite and sway demurely past 4x4 and Leg.

I took refuge in CB1 and relayed all this to Nel, who laughed but reckoned I shouldn't have given my number to the taxi driver.

"He sounds like a complete nutter."

True. But its too late now.

Besides, I've never been a Witness before, except in the Christian sense. It might be quite interesting.

Cuteness Immortalised

I walked down to the shop, enjoying the sunshine and the warm spring weather.I went in and bought some bread and a bottle of wine.
Well, I tried to.
I plonked the bottle of wine down with a cheerful,"Hiya" to the typically bad tempered shop owner. I really hoped he wouldn't say something like - "Have you got some ID?" which he did, monotone, looking me up and down.
I almost laughed because he suddenly reminded me of Internet Service Providings dude on Fonejacker. Whats that?It's racist? Possibly. True? I think so. Funny? Absolutely.
"Uh, no. But I'm 20 years old."
"yes well you need to..."
"Do I look 17?" I asked in a disbelieving yet conspiratorial voice.
"Weeeell..." he laughed a little.
I didn't know whether to be pleased or slightly insulted.
"C'mon, look, you know I live in this village.I'm 20 years old."
In the end he let me buy the bottle just by telling him my date of birth.Bad shopkeeper! Good wine though haha...

After I had grabbed my illegally purchased booze + other supplies and headed down the road,I spotted some of the village people - kids and old folk mainly - gathered round the pond.
I walked up behind an old lady sat on a bench and peered over her shoulder.
I gave an involuntary "Aawwwww!" as I spotted the tiny ducklings zooming around on the water in front of her.Really, they zoom.
Somehow they manage to go as fast then the adults simply by making their tiny legs paddle exhaustingly quickly,which seesm to require a continuos high-pitched cheeping at the same time.
So tiny! I just sat on the grassy bank cooing over them and trying to resist picking up one of the little bundles of fluff.
Unlike their parents they come right up to people and other creatures, they are not afraid.Thats probably the reason they are disappearing so fast!
Two less ducklings than yesterday.
I went back yesterday with H and a camera and took a few pictures.
Cuteness immortalised in film.